


Sleepy, Grumpy, and the Groupie Brigade

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: fiftysomething [15]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Humor, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 01:42:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2410379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hotch is Superman. Dave is…Batman. He is definitely Batman.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleepy, Grumpy, and the Groupie Brigade

**Author's Note:**

> Can I just say this fic series was written in 2008 and JJ/Rossi seemed like a plausible idea at the time? I am so sorry.

“It happened, just as I said it did. Before your time, young starling, that’s all.”

 

“Oh right. And then Dave Rossi single-handedly took down the entire Spanish Armada.”

 

“It was not the Spanish Armada, it was the Greek Mafia. I didn’t want to brag but…”

 

“Stop,” JJ laughed, covering his mouth. “Just quit while you're ahead.”

 

“Tell her Hotch,” Rossi laughed too, pulling JJ onto his lap. “Tell her about the wild times back in the day. Profiling was new and I was ready to take on the world.”

 

“There were some excellent adventures, JJ. All I can say is I have heard all the same stories you have…I co-starred in a few.”

 

“Dave here is always the star.” She settled on his lap, running her fingers through his black and silver hair. “Why is that, pray tell?”

 

“My only answer to that is simple. He’s an egomaniac.”

 

“He definitely is.” JJ nodded, grinning.  
  
“Don’t talk about me like I'm not in the room. Hotch, I thought we were like brothers. You crumbled under the pressure and I have to say I'm a little disappointed.”

 

“Shut up.” Hotch replied, laughing. “What movie are we going to watch and where is my wife?”

 

“Here is your wife.” Emily came into the den with a tray of drinks and snacks. “You guys haven’t figured out a movie yet, have you? I left you alone for almost a half hour. What were you doing?”

 

“Jennifer was being an imp.” Dave replied.

 

“Dave was being Superman.” JJ countered.

 

“Hotch is Superman.” Emily said. “Dave is…Batman. He is definitely Batman.”

 

“Why?” he asked.

 

“Its all about wits over brute force, though you are not above using a little smack down to let the bad guy know you mean business.”

 

“And the utility belt.” JJ added.

 

“You're both insane.” Rossi grinned, shaking his head.

 

“You guys drove us crazy.” Emily replied, sitting beside Hotch on the love seat. “We still don’t have a movie.”

 

It was New Year’s Eve and the Hotchners decided to spend it with friends, family, rather than parties they didn’t want to be at in the first place. The kids were gone, leaving Hotch and Emily on their own for a week. Jack went skiing and tubing with friends in Vermont. The twins were off to Disney World with CeCe, Derek, and Garcia. Bree tagged along with Nat and her sister Joan on their end of year shopping excursion to London and Paris. She would actually miss the first day back to school. That was enough for her father to say no but Emily vetoed. Missing one day of school would not stop the Earth turning on its axis. The trip would be good for Bree and her grandmother as well.

 

“How come Hotch always gets to be Superman?” Dave asked. “What is so great about Batman?”

 

“He gets laid a lot.” Emily replied.

 

“A hell of a lot.” JJ said. “See Clark Kent is a one-woman man, he goes gaga over Lois Lane. Bruce Wayne goes where the wind blows, and the women love him.”

 

“Well, the women do love me.” Dave said, smoothing out his silk shirt.

 

“Tell them the groupie story, Dave.” JJ said laughing. “It’s hysterical.”

 

“The groupie story?” Hotch raised an eyebrow as he took a vegetable dumpling from the tray.

 

“A couple of weeks ago we took the girls to Old Town Alexandria for the Christmas brouhaha. We were in line to see Santa when a woman approached me. She began to gush about reading all my books and told me she had seen me speak 4 or 5 times. I was gracious and signed the book she had. Then she looked at Stella with this syrupy smile and said, ‘Oh my God, is this your daughter?’ Stella looked back at her and said, ‘Oh my God, are you a groupie? My daddy has a bunch of them’”

 

“Shut up, no.” Emily laughed. “Did she really?”

 

“Her mother taught her that.” Dave grumbled.

 

“I did not, I swear.” JJ said. “She is the world’s most observant child and totally a daddy’s girl. She knows you have groupies; she has a little fun at their expense. Megan just wants them to go away. She actually doesn’t like when people want her father’s attention.”

 

Dave and JJ were the parents of 10 year old Stella and 8 year old Megan. Henry, JJ’s 14 year old son with Will LaMontagne, also lived with them in their Fairfax, VA home.

 

“If we don’t pick a movie soon, it will be midnight.” Hotch said. “We always do this you know.”

 

“I say _The Godfather_.” Dave said, sipping his bourbon.

 

“Too long.” Emily replied. “What about _City Hall_?”

 

“A possibility.”

 

“Let’s watch something we haven’t seen in a while,” JJ said, sliding off Dave’s lap and onto the couch. Her legs stayed across his lap. “I'm in the mood to laugh.”

 

“ _Trading Places_?” Hotch asked.

 

“That might work.”

 

Emily nodded at the choice but Rossi was skeptical.

 

“C'mon Dave,” Hotch smirked, rolling his eyes. 

 

“I'm not a big Dan Ackroyd fan. I’d prefer _Waiting for Guffman_.”

 

“That’ll be fun.” Emily said. “JJ?”

 

“If it will shut up diva-man then its fine with me.”

 

“I am not a diva.”

 

“You have some diva-esque qualities.” Emily said.

 

“Hotch I'm being double teamed. Help.”

 

“My wife frequently tells me that men like to be double teamed.”

 

“Well…”

 

Emily laughed, throwing a pillow at Dave.

 

“You're a dirty old man, David Rossi.” She said still laughing.

 

“I was a dirty young man so nothing much has changed.”

 

Hotch took the movie, putting it in the DVD player. He and Emily cuddled on the loveseat and he looked at his friends doing the same thing on the couch.

 

“I'm glad we’re all together tonight.” He said. “Sometimes life gets too busy and there is hardly a moment to slow down. I can't think of too many things better than good friends and a Christopher Guest film.”

 

“Here, here.” JJ raised her glass of white wine. “To family, conventional or otherwise.”

 

“Is that a hint?” Dave asked.

 

“Dave’s getting sensitive in his old age.” Emily said.

 

The pillow flew back in her direction.

 

“Hit play, Hotch.”

 

He nodded, sitting back and sipping his Diet Coke.

 

***

 

The movie was about three-quarters over. Emily and JJ left it on so as not to wake up Hotch and Dave. Sliding their bodies away from the sleeping men, they made their way to the kitchen. Emily poured them both more wine and slipped open the side glass door so she could light a clove.

 

“Is Hotch alright?” JJ asked.

 

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

 

“Well we had big New Year’s Eve plans and then you tell me on Christmas that we’re going to spend a quiet night here instead. Not that I mind…oh my God, I haven’t laughed like I've laughed tonight in a long time.”

 

“He had a bad stress test and he’s worried about it.” Emily replied.

 

“Are you worried about it?”

 

“I'm trying not to be. Its one test at the end of the year with the holidays and the fourth quarter crap. He’s going back in three weeks; then we will see what's really happening. I want him to retire but he’s not listening. Alright, in his defense I have only said it once. He has his 35 years; he will have a nice retirement package and pension.”

 

“I feel the same way about Dave. He’s not in the BAU anymore but as you know he still teaches at the Academy, writes, tours and speaks…it’s too much.”

 

“We can't change them.” Emily said, more to herself than JJ. She deeply inhaled her cigarette and sipped her wine.

 

“I don’t want to.” JJ replied. “Well…”

 

“Exactly.” Emily pointed at her.

 

“At least you got yours to marry you.”

 

“I thought you were the one who didn’t want to get married? You didn’t want Dave to feel that pressure.”

 

“Yeah. I don't know; I shouldn’t be sitting here talking as if I'm not happy. I am very happy, my kids are happy, everyone is happy.”

 

“Most of the time.”

 

“Yeah. They’re good guys…they just don’t know when to stop.”

 

Emily nodded. She and JJ got them out of Kevlar, Glocks, and interrogation rooms, which was a big step. They really didn’t want to change them. It was hard not to love Dave and Hotch. They had the biggest hearts and watching them with their families was nothing short of complete happiness. Still, with Emily in her 50s and JJ rapidly approaching, they yearned for normalcy. You would think after all these years they would know better.

 

“Do you have any resolutions?” JJ asked.

 

“More time for the two of us. I mean time that isn’t between 10pm and midnight. It’s just hard with work and the kids but I plan to work some magic. I also want to spend more time with Nat. My dad’s gone now; I never want her to feel alone. You?”

 

“I’ll be Mrs. David Rossi before the year is over.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be telling Mr. David Rossi that?” Emily asked.

 

“I will.” JJ laughed, looking at the clock. “Midnight in fifteen minutes.”

 

“Another year. It had its moments of splendor and some…not so much.”

 

“We’re still here, still a family.” She reached out for Emily’s hand across the counter. “As long as we have each other, we’ll be OK.”

 

“Happy New Year.” Emily smiled. “We better go wake up Sleepy and Grumpy.”

 

***

                                                                                                                           



End file.
